Friday, May 27, 2011

I've hit pause.

Today… I felt wanted a million times over. Last night my friends and I had an after-work party at Vgolf, then at Overeasy. Tilda and I had a last minute mini sleepover at her place which we couldn’t fall asleep while sitting up having heart to heart talks, waking up in the morning getting showered and dressed, taking a train to pick the most amazing people in our lives from the airport, ever. We were drowned in our own fatigue, but still an incredible surprise - The warm fuzzy feeling you ever get once in a while…

We had a small tired talk in the car, just him and I alone. I asked if our relationship was based on how much we have been trying, and how much time we’ve been spending together. He told me it was real love, because 3 years, that’s a seventh of his life he ever spent it with someone. I told him it was insane, but I’d want a decade, a millennium and forever. He squeezed my leg while I was driving and said, “Me too.” That’s for welcoming you back from your well deserved boys break to Krabi, and embracing me in your arms and kissing me as though you haven’t felt me in forever. No one can ever make me feel this way. 

The past few days while he was away my days had been dodgy and exhausting. I’ve barely done anything besides spending unnecessary money on the usual unwanted social life, trying to stay sober and recovering from a hangover the next morning feeling like death. I’ve met new faces, the old ones the ghost of my past… I’m not trying to hide, but it’s been long. I’ve finally come to a consensus with myself that paying $40 for an awesome meal later is worth more than an overpriced with a 500% profit margin of alcohol and wine. This wouldn’t last.

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