In 4 days I would have left San Francisco, or Berkeley for that matter. I remembered how my presence here had hit me, and my heart skips each time I think about it before I leave. And here it is again, my heart palpitates every hour as I think about it; I know what I want, and I know what I don’t want. What if one day I fall short, get disappointed, and I don’t know what I want anymore? I’m actually reacting to my thoughts in a hot-mess right now. I need some candy. I can’t spend my whole day crying.
I went to bed having a shit load on my mind; about school, about work, about friends and relationships in general. My to-do list is getting smaller, but I think life is reacting. I am reacting to new-life, and being free. I talked to Aunt Agnes and Aunt Wee yesterday, and we talked about getting a foot into adulthood, and I’m not exactly prepared for many (greater or not) things that are ahead. Truth to be told, I’m not positive most of the time. The thought of everything messy makes me nauseous - This is a weird transition and despite everything, I’m still human.
I stand at what’s left of my equilibrium.