Each passing day I think about the penetrating thoughts of less than wonderful days - Days I do not have to wake up to work and days that I can contract into a ball and lay in bed with the morning rays on a subconscious awake face. We bowled for close to 7 hours yesterday and the ache on my right of my whole was purely orgasmic and I was so torn between the activities we were caught up in and gym. Jun Yat squashes me each time he hugs for a little longer as he takes his breath, then leaves me there trying to catch mine.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Last Sunday we celebrated Clarence’s 22nd at his apartment in Beachfront at Sentosa Cove. The drive in was long and serene and a part of it definitely feels like I’ve landed myself in Beverly Hills if I wasn’t certain about reality. His birthday barbecue we had quite a complicated grill/cooker that we only used half of it. But we had wine, music and great company throughout the entire night and talked it away. It was just a simple night, but there were a few people missing from the scene - Like Kenneth and Jueyi and I’m pretty sure Clarence would very much like them to be there.
I bought a roll of film on that day for my Vivitar Lomo only to realise that it couldn’t work and some part of it snapped on the inside and I’m feeling very paranoid about it. It’s not retailing anymore and I like how the pictures turn out. And I’m mind fucking myself about upgrading my camera body and lenses and as usual I’m doing more financial damage than I can imagine. This internship is ending and every day I step into the office not feeling anything new, having a caffeine fix which is something odd and trying to make the best out of it.
Our days are short lived.
Friday, June 18, 2010
I wasn’t doing well the whole week. It was on a Wednesday that we received news that our friend/working colleague/my shopping fashion partner just passed away. I was more than in a state of shock, of immense sadness and pain which draws back to the moments where she was right beside me at work, playing a little dota and tossing naps in between. It was only last Saturday where she told me she’ll see me, to have fun at Zouk and expect her return from Tioman a little more. Who in the world can ever imagine such a tragic accident would happen to a little flower like her?
She was more than a friend - Just like she was to every one else. And I remembered one entry I wrote about Cherry’s want of a Jil Sanders’ pair of shoes that she would wear to work. And it wasn’t just that. An 07 pair that she was looking for, and also H&M items that she sent me so that I’d be able to pick them out when I’m in Hong Kong for her. It wasn’t in vain. I could relive the days that she was just there, being right beside, and at the next moment where she was happy settled in Tioman, her life was taken.
It didn’t take me more than a day to realise how fragile life was, that someone right next to you would be gone, that someone whom you’ve always wanted to have more life-talks about don’t get the opportunity to listen and convey anymore. She was such a cheerful girl, who made everyone feel a part of her when she left, made us to grow and became part of her amazing world. And it is nothing simple that I would ever forget. Before she left and her exact words of facebook I quote, “I don’t want to perish like a fading horse. Youth is like diamonds in the sun. And diamonds are forever.”
And there, the days I’ve been trying to fix myself within, and of many others who weeped over her passing… May all who mourn her loss be comforted. And, I miss you so much. It struck me this hard that you’ve left, forever and looking at how peaceful you were when I last saw your face before you were gone… That moment would be forever. And I will never forget. I love you Cherry.
Monday, May 24, 2010
This morning I was so hard at work until I received a text from Nessa saying she got accepted into NUS Law and I was so happy for her, so happy because we used to be best friends, and we used to be everything when we were together. Then there were 4 years that we had spent apart, still I believed in her. She’s not mediocre, she’s someone amazing and is willing to go through all of that (My past) with me. Then we planned for her remaining days at work, and talked about almost everything we have missed out on these years, and planned about the months and the places we desire. It was just like old times all over again, just older, wiser and better. But the fact that changed, was that we’ll never be friends at best like how we were, because old times will always be replaced.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Last night Fang bought a pair of Topshop boots that looked so cute and awesome on her and she’s just amazing really. Then with Jordus we sat down talking about Hong Kong days over desserts and spent the entire evening at Privé. This week at work had been hell, and I’m still reeling of the amount of work and stress after. Next week wouldn’t be partial either.
We’d be making pork knuckles with home made mashed potatoes later. Hope it’d be good. And the losers tonight.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
These are my amazing friends that I’ve spent my last 2 years in St Nicks with, who never fail to amaze, never fail to cease to make me happy, never fail to come up with the most ridiculous ideas anywhere in or out of school. But school had never felt like school, felt like a bonding ground where we’ll pick up the pieces where we left off, and move on.
Then last morning I felt this bad air circling around me, then I choked up a bad headache and decided to take the half day off. I never knew how waking up this morning with a heavy heart and with so much to say getting stuck within your guts - So close I could almost pull a trigger right through my heart. Not immediate, but indefinitely. This morning I saw a girl with emotionless filled eyes, filled with emptiness and sorrows within. She looked at me so beautifully and I wished I went up to her and asked if she needed company. Then I wished I had my camera so I could take a picture and let it remain as a memory, a memory of a stranger that I thought I’d knew for more than a decade, looking right through me.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I have an undeniably messy and unorganized stack of notes from work - All scribblings on loose pieces of paper that I’ve never found anything to attach them to. It’s been a while and I haven’t learnt anything new, and I require more patience by the way, to sit by the clock and watch time pass and try to do something productive. This Final Year Project better do some justice to where I want to be. Of where my future lies. I’m dependent.